A Bedtime Story from Cap

How about a bedtime story? A change of tone, my heathens. I hope you don’t mind that it isn’t Sunday.

Today, I speak with you all personally about a dream I once had when I was a very small child. The thing about being a child is that there is so much that appears to be beautiful in our eyes. From the way water trickles down the driveway after the car is washed to the way the lavender-colored trees sway to and fro on a very windy day because they are just so enormously tall. A sparkle and twinkle in your eye, a grin spread so wide that it may just be good for something later on. Ah, and your hands were so small, just like all the clothes you used to wear.

Or perhaps you used to live near the sea? Where breezes were mingled with salt and water and the skies had a constant grey overcast, it can’t always be sunny after all. But there were still days where the sand would become littered in shovels and pails and little moulds of turtles and seahorses. Lighthouses that never really worked the way you thought they would. Wooden fences wearing down because the sea kept trying to face plant into it. How the world seemed so divided once your feet moved from sand to black asphalt, so different.

Maybe you lived somewhere stranger, like near a bog or marsh? I’ve never been to a place, but I know a dear friend who has. They live there in peace and fill my nights with love stories between cloud gods and thunder strikes, hot weather and rainy weather, the cool darkness of their room compared to the warm embrace of a million bedsheets.

Strange and crazy things happening right under your nose that they couldn’t possibly tell me for…reasons, I suppose.

It is such a pretty world we live in that sometimes I forget the monsters that plague us everyday. I forget the cruel truth of friendships and love, how the two seem so unbreakable yet, are truly very fragile.

I feel like we are stepping on a glass marble that will shatter under our heels at any given moment. So strange, yet so familiar.

I am happy we can be content in knowing that our existences are fragile. I am so happy.

Goodnight, my heathens. May your slumbers be ever peaceful.

-Cap

I’m Growing Up

What’s it like to grow up?

Do you notice it like the way you notice the bags under your eyes when you first wake up? Is it like a killer migraine after a night of being drugged up? Fucked up?

Or is it like a germinating seed, just sown 1/4 ” deep, blooming on the night of a midsummer’s eve? 

Is it beautiful? Does it feel good? Does the world make more sense now? 

Does it hurt? Did it always hurt or did it hurt when you finally decided to grow up? 

Do you choose if you grow up or not? 

Can you stop it from happening? Should you stop it from happening?

I think it’s like a beauty trend. The next hot seller, fresh out the market, the most popular thing to wear during summer. And we obsess like there’s no tomorrow, grabbing greedily at something we don’t even understand. We think we do, but we don’t. 

No one can comprehend the responsibility of growing up. No one can take the responsibility of compensating all the petty white lies, heart breaks and heart aches, migraines, and empty promises. The cold stares, being unawares, hollow kisses, and negligence. No gift of money or proud compelling or acceptance can heal what has been severed and mangled. 

And you ask me, ‘”What should I do?”‘

I cannot give you an answer to your question, unfortunately. Because what you asked is something a “grown up” should already know what to do.

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